Another Negative

Another month, and another Negative. I thought my reaction would be over the top and really upsetting sure that it was our time to shine this month, but to my suprise I was wrong. God has given me a peace through scripture.

"For I know the plans that I havefor you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not calamity to give you a future and a hope" Jeremiah 29:11

Everything that God is doing is for a purpose. Have Paul and I been trying for almost 3 years? Yes. Have there been what seems like billons of tears cried? Of Course... but what is different this month is that I am completely devoted to God's path for our lives, and to be honest it is not hard at all... this month. I am not going to say that it is always going to be that way, but in this moment it is, and I am greatful for this moment.

Wednesday morning came, I knew when I woke up that I was not pregnant. Paul was supportive and felt reall bad but as I told him and the people that have been praying for us that it is completley ok! God has BiG plans for us! I don't know God's perfect timing, and to be honest I am not sure why I want to rush it! Why have I been so selfish in the past? These are questions that only my selfish heart seems to have the "answer" to. I think I would make a great mom! My heart thinks I deserve to be a mom. So many "answers" to count. But God has me where he wants me and has given me the peace.

"Delight yourself in the Lord; and He will give you the desires of your heart". Psalm 37:4

I am not anxious, because I know God has perfect timing! Some might say that I must not truley want kids if I am ok, but let me tell you that could not be farther from the truth. I am just in a moment of peace and the enjoyment of continuing to try with my husband to expand our family. Finding joy in our marriage, and letting that joy overwhelm in every aspect of our lives. If you have had fertility issues you know that the stress could ultimatley ruin the intimacy in the marriage. I want to focus on that not happening. I am trying to focus more and more on my husband... and more on how I can honor him. I continue to step back from my normal controlling self in every situation and letting him take the lead as his rightful and biblical place as head of the household. It is a joy, and to be honest a lot less stressfull than I thought it would be!

Hope everyone has a beautiful weekend...

Oh yea and I turn 27 tomorrow... lol