Not always easy but ALWAYS blessed!

John 3:16 – For God so loved the world that he gave is one and only son that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life. This was my 1st memory verse. I recited it perfectly to my children’s ministry pastor at the age of 5. I would start school as a Christian. I was raised in a loving Christian home. As where most of my friend’s families were splitting up, mine remained intact. We struggled greatly from my brother who was always in some sort of trouble, to almost losing my father in a severe motorcycle accident, to unemployment, to no food and electricity, to almost losing our shelter. However, no matter the struggle my parents taught me that God is sovereign and love conquers all. I grew up knowing right from wrong. I lived in black and white. The only major thing that caused a problem in my life was when I would get grounded for not keeping my room clean. I made good grades and stayed out of trouble. Then I started my senior year of high school. Peer pressure to grow up before God’s timing was pushing me to change who I was. My desire to become independent from my parents and their struggles outweighed the “love” that my parents had always informed me of. This desire to grow up faster than intended caused a stress and tension in my relationship with God. I began to become hard-hearted and bitter. I moved out of my parent’s home and started my personal journey through darkness. I met someone who I thought would cure all my problems of loneliness after all he was a self proclaimed Godly man. But soon that image of perfection tarnished and I saw the real person behind the false appearance. Love was not a part of my heart. Depression quickly set in. I quickly tried to ease the pain and loneliness with things of the world. Instead of going to what I knew would help me with the pain, I tried medication. I became numb to everyone and everything around me, and the depression worsened. God continued to show me mercy and grace through my pain and suffering by sparing my life. I kept telling God that My Plans are… then one day I finally prayed to God asking him what happened to my “child-like” faith. What happened to the time when I did not need a “sign” to know he was there, and when I did not need “proof” that he was hearing my prayers? He said to me quietly “Just turn around, I’m right here, and always have been. I have not been the one to turn my back on you… you ran away from me, but I am still here, just turn around”. The pain transformed to peace. The struggled continue, but God’s glory remains present. My agenda is no longer important for my life, but God’s will overpowers my selfish heart. I never lost my salvation – but chose to fall out of love with my savior that never turned his back on me. But God is glorified in my struggles, because he knows I use them as a testimony to his grace and mercy. His love for me overcame all the bad in my life and made me who I am today. If you do not have a personal relationship with the one true God who sent his son to die on a cross for all of the stupid things that we have and will inevitably continue to do, I encourage you to. He is the only one who will ease the pain of this life, and hold you through it all. When people and things of this world fail you remember He is the only thing that never fails! Love conquers all!